Archive for the ‘Bobservsations (humor, satire, parody)’ Category

How to Blame Your Predecessor (Or the art of throwing the previous regime under the bus.)

Monday, June 22nd, 2009

How to Blame Your Predecessor

(Or the art of throwing the previous regime under the bus.)

By Bob London

We all know about the so-called honeymoon period in business: the time at the beginning of a new job when an executive can sit back and absorb and assess the way things work, who the power players are and where the bodies are buried–without being expected to make any great decisions or pronouncements. It’s a no-fault grace period which can last as long as several months depending on the role and company.

But there’s another less-talked about phase executives can leverage to their advantage: the Blame Window.  This is the period during which you can hold your predecessor responsible for the challenges you are now facing.

One might naturally ask, as I did, how long after you’ve assumed a new role can you blame your predecessor?  And how would one go about throwing him or her under the bus?

My research yielded no credible answers to these questions, so I developed the following handy formula (Fig. 1) to help executives calculate their available Blame Window:

blame-formula2.jpg

Here is a fictitious example to show how the formula works.  Let’s say Bill S. takes over as CFO of a venture-backed start-up which has already raised two rounds of funding and is burning $75,000 per month with profitability two years away, soonest. After 6.5 weeks on the job, Bill discovers a serious flaw in the company’s pricing model that requires redoing the model–and therefore the business plan–from scratch. Bill’s predecessor held the CFO post for 2.5 years.

Q: Can Bill blame his predecessor?
A: Absolutely! Using the former CFO’s tenure of 30 months, divided by 2 equals 15, which is then divided by the 6.5 weeks of Bill’s tenure and multiplied by a Problem Magnitude Rating of 5. The result is a Blame Window of 11.4 weeks. Since Bill discovered the error in under seven weeks, he can throw the former CFO right under the old Greyhound.

Caution: this formula can be dangerous if not used judiciously.  Here are some important tips to remember:

First, make sure you get the math right. There is nothing more embarrassing than miscalculating the Blame Window and having the whole situation blow up in your face.  Set some reminders in Outlook 90, 60, 30 and 7 days prior to the expiration of the Blame Window so you will know when to stop blaming your predecessor.

Second, do your homework before you start laying on the criticism. Was your predecessor revered or scorned? Respected or tolerated?  Make sure to get these and other data points before you start spraying around accusations.  The last thing you want to do is tear into someone who is a company legend or, worse, someone who is deceased.

Third, make sure to select the right way of broaching the subject with your superiors. Here are some preambles to get you started:

  • Jocular: “Gee, if I’d known all this before I would have asked for a lot more money, ha-ha-ha!”
  • Nothing Personal, Just Business: “I’m sure <name of predecessor> was a good guy, but…”
  • Delicate but Direct: “I don’t want to cast aspersions on anyone, but now that I’ve gotten my feet wet…”
  • Mildly Annoyed: “I have to tell you I’m not sure what I’ve gotten myself into here…”
  • Threatening: “If you think I’m going to take the fall for any of this, you can just find yourself another CFO.”

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Posted in Bobservsations (humor, satire, parody), CEOs of Growth-Stage Companies, CMOs, Facebook, London, Ink News, Marketing Budget, Virtual VP of Marketing | No Comments »

Older gentleman sues Facebook and LinkedIn for age discrimination, calling them “too confusing for some of us older folk.”

Wednesday, June 10th, 2009

Older gentleman sues Facebook and LinkedIn for age discrimination, calling them “too confusing for some of us older folk.”

Broomville, CO–A 58-year old accounting manager has filed suit against two of the most popular networking sites, accusing Facebook and LinkedIn of discriminating against him and millions of older people who find social networking sites and technologies too intimidating and complicated to use.

“It’s tough enough getting older every single day, but its downright degrading when you run into a zillion people a day asking if you’re using LinkedIn or Facebook, as though they’re some sort of panacea,” said the complainant, Frank Sawyer. “I’ve tried to use those newfangled things and have spoken to a lot of my peers who’ve tried also. It just isn’t in our genetics, and it isn’t fair.”

Added Sawyer’s attorney, Barney Simonton, “You can’t teach an old dog new technologies. We’ve tried to contact both LinkedIn and Facebook to make the case that older folk need a simpler process for signing up and using these sites–and it took us literally a month to find a phone number where we could reach a live person. Ultimately, our complaints have fallen on deaf ears, which has forced us to take legal action.”

“I had one older friend who actually figured out how to start using Facebook,” said Jennette Porteax, a 61-year old home maker. “Just when he got comfortable using it they changed the whole darn site around–the way it looks, the way it works, everything. He just couldn’t keep up–he pitched the whole social networking thing and took up woodworking.”

Marketing expert and self-proclaimed ‘thought leading social media demi-guru,’ Bob London of marketing firm London, Ink predicted the social networking trend may in fact leave the older generation behind. “Age is a state of mind–on the Internet no one knows you’re old, unless you forget to suppress your year of birth on Facebook,” said the forty-something London.

“Old people just need to take a deep breath and try harder. It ain’t rocket science, and if you need proof of that, just check out some of the younger crowd’s atrocious profiles. They’re full of bad grammar, misspellings and illiterate-sounding corporate jargon.”

Both LinkedIn and Facebook declined to comment for this story.

© 2009, Bob London

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Posted in Bobservsations (humor, satire, parody), Facebook, New (aka Social) Media, Online Marketing | No Comments »

London, Ink announces major “green” initiative: changes logo color.

Saturday, February 7th, 2009

For Immediate Release

FEBRUARY 7, 2009–POTOMAC, MD  London, Ink, a full-service marketing and communications consulting firm based outside of Washington, DC, announced today a major initiative intended to demonstrate its commitment to ‘green’ practices that are highly visible and high impact.  Effective immediately, the letter “k” at the end of the London, Ink logo will change to a compelling shade of green from the original basic black.

“London, Ink didn’t just want to jump on the green bandwagon and announce another green initiative,” said London, Ink president Bob London, who is also known as the DC region’s Virtual VP of Marketing for providing marketing expertise on demand.  “Changing the letter ‘k’ in our logo to green represents a major commitment, as it is the letter most people focus on since they are expecting a ‘c’ after the ‘In.’”

Old Logo:

londonink-logo-copy.jpg

New Logo:

londonink-green-logo-copy.jpg

Taking this initiative a step further, London, Ink is issuing a challenge to other Washington, DC area marketing, communications, PR and design firms to make similar commitments towards ‘greening’ their businesses.

Continued Bob London, “I’d like to see some of the more traditional service providers, including ad agencies, public relations firms, Web design and digital marketing agencies follow London, Ink’s lead.  After all, there’s always room for each of us to be ‘greener.’  Take it from me, it feels great doing something good,”

About London, Ink

London, Ink is a full-service marketing and communications consulting firm based just outside of Washington, DC.  London, Ink’s unique Virtual VP of Marketing model differs from other traditional marketing and communications service providers such as ad agencies, PR firms and Web design firms in that (a) the client receives independent guidance on when and how to prioritize, execute and measure a wide range of marketing initiatives, from PR to SEO to lead generation to channel marketing; and (b) all services are provided on an on-demand basis, providing clients with budget predictability and flexibility.

London, Ink’s low overhead, client-focused model eliminates the common conflicts between agencies’ profitability goals and creative philosophies versus the client’s requirements. Please visit www.londonink.com for more information or contact London, Ink president Bob London at info@londonk.com or +1 240.994.7644.

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Posted in Agencies, Bobservsations (humor, satire, parody), Branding, CMOs, General | No Comments »

Want to sponsor my new patio? (A creative way to subsidize home projects during a recession.)

Friday, October 17th, 2008

Let me just say that since we are in an economic downturn/recession/bust/depression, money-saving or cash-raising ideas that before may have seemed tacky or ill-conceived now deserve another look.

That’s why I decided to try and raise money for an expensive home improvement–my new flagstone patio—by selling something I call Brick Sponsorships.

Here’s how I got the idea:  Just before breaking ground on our new flagstone patio my family and I were at a local park when something I saw immediately struck me as an innovative albeit potentially controversial way to save some coin.  The park’s developer had taken contributions from local families and businesses who in turn got, as a permanent, tangible representation of their gift: a brick engraved with their names.

These bricks, hundreds of them, formed the border around the play area and sent an overall message of community involvement and certainly gave the donors a nice warm feeling not to mention another way to lower their Adjusted Gross Incomes.

But at their essence the sponsored bricks helped the developers defray the cost of the park by a few thousand dollars.

Could this same approach be applied to private, residential projects such as my new patio? For the answer, let’s review an excerpt from a conversation with my neighbor Mac regarding the possibility of becoming a Charter Brick Sponsor for my patio:

Me: Mac, have I told you about a great new opportunity?

Mac: What’s that, Bob?

Me: Well, a limited number of our friends, neighbors and family have a special, once in a lifetime chance to see their legacies permanently and elegantly enshrined in a highly visible area while also helping beautify the neighborhood!

Mac: (Suspiciously.) Tell me more, Bob.

Me: Well, you know that Monica and I are planning a new flagstone patio out front, right?

Mac: Right.

Me: And you know how many people come by in a given month, from our friends and family, their kids, our kids’ friends, neighbors, my parents, Patti’s folks, Patti’s book club, the poker gang, the FedEx guy and too many door to door solicitors to count?

Mac: Yes!

Me: Well, you and a select number of other individuals have a unique chance to have a beautiful, high–quality, U.S.-made brick with your name and message placed around the edge of our patio!

Mac: Really!

Me: Just think of how many people will see your name! Mac, this is the most unique way I’ve ever found to get your name out there in a high profile, quality fashion without the high costs usually associated with other marketing programs.

Mac: Yeah!

Me: You know the Greene’s a block over?

Mac: That new family from Columbus?

Me: Right! They’re in for three bricks! One for themselves, one for their kids and one from his parents in honor of their new house!

Mac: Is that so?

Me: They’re absolutely certain that their investment in these permanent, high quality pavers will result in more rapid awareness and acceptance in the neighborhood!

Mac: Bob, this sounds…expensive.

Me: Mac, you’d be surprised how affordable a brick sponsorship can be. But first let me tell you about our sponsorship levels:

Our most affordable package is Terra Cotta, which includes your name and message on one brick, plus a full color photo of your brick that you can proudly display in your home. This picture can easily increase your reach by 30% – 50% depending on the traffic through your home and specific room placement!

Our next option is Grande Terra Cotta, which gives you three bricks for the price of two. Think of what you can do with three bricks, Mac! You can honor different family members, resell this exclusive opportunity to your parents at a price you determine, or use two or even three bricks together to display an even longer message! Of course this options comes with a photo as well, in beautiful panoramic mode!

Our highest value option–and quickly becoming our most popular, is the Founder’s Club, which gives you the unbelievably distinctive opportunity to engrave your name and message directly onto a 2 foot square piece of flagstone! You can select either a perimeter slab or one towards the center of the patio, to maximize visibility. Which options sounds best to you, Mac?

Mac: Bob, I don’t know how I’d ever choose.

Me: Well, before you choose, there’s one more thing: If you order today I can guarantee your brick will be in place by the holidays–which guarantees an extra 30% viewership by virtue of the increased Christmas, Hannukah and New Year’s foot traffic on our patio!

Mac: Wow.  I just have one question, Bob.

Me: Shoot!

Mac: Have you taken your meds yet today?

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Posted in Bobservsations (humor, satire, parody), Branding, General, Marketing Budget, PR | No Comments »